If I had just one more moment to see his face or feel his touch I would like to think that it would make all the difference and make his death that much easier but the fact of the matter is that I will never see his face while I live the remainder of my days here on this beautiful earth.
I wish that I would have taken the time to realize that his world was crashing but then again it's never that simple. I regret that I never took the time to tell Miles what I thought of him. How in unspoken words he was truly one of my most favorite people in the world.
I remember the first time I met Miles. Cory had brought him over to my dads house. It was shortly after I had moved to my dads and I wasn't exactly the happiest person in the world. I was about to start high school and I didnt know anyone so Cory being the nice guy he is brought a few friends over to cheer me up. Within the group was Miles vigil. I will never forget that evening. I laughed so hard. He was dating mindi at the time and he was bending and twisiting that girl like it was nothing! Hewas in his "Rock" phase at that time. I remember thinking this kid is freaking nuts! Why is this girl with him??? Little did I know that the boy who was handing this poor girl in my living room would end up making such a huge impact on my life.
I didnt see Miles again until we were seniors in high school and this is where he became my number 61. 61 was Miles high school football number. We started talking and hanging out in the same group of friends. The first dance of the year was Homecoming. Miles was finally single after being with the same girl for what seemed life forever. I wanted Miles to ask me to homecoming so bad.... and he ask Michelle instead. My poor lil heart was broken. HA!!
It wasn't until Miles joined the Army and moved to New York that we became really close. I was sitting at work and recieved a random email through classmates.com. I thought it was junk so my first thought was to delete it but for some odd reason I opened it and it said that "Miles is looking for you". I laughed! I thought why in the world would Miles be looking for me? However it was really an email from him with his number. Miles and I began talking on a regular basis. He would call me in the middle of the night and tell me that I was the most beautiful girl that he had ever seen and how he "loved my cute lil feet ." Even if it was the alcohol talking I still loved to hear him say it! He would tell me all his dirty lil secrects that we never talked about the next day when he was sober LOL I would sit on my porch under neath the amazing New York sky and laugh with him for hours. We shared many intimate conversations that I hold very close to my heart.
I wrote Miles while he was serving in Afganistan and remember the feeling of just wanting him
to be home safe but even when he did return he still wasn't safe from the memories that haunted him at night.
As I sit in front of my lap top pounding cup after cup of coffee listening to the words of Jack Johnson with tears running down my cheeks I will never be able to write anything that will come remotely close to expressing what I feel right now. The pain and the sorrow that has come. It's sucks to today and it will suck tomorrow and the suckiness of it will never go away but my faith is strong and I know that everyday we spend on earth is a gift from God and when the gift of life is gone we are given the ultimate gift. The gift of standing by God's side. I know Miles is above watching over the people he left on earth anxiously waiting for us to join him.
I hope you have found a conclusion to your search for Walt Bayless.
I miss your ass every freakin day Miles...
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