Sunday, February 5, 2012

Hold Up, Wait A Minute....

Funny how a person can say something to you and it stays with you long after the conversation has ended.

I was on a date and he asked me what I was looking for in someone that I date. I rambled off the usual job, car, can't live with ya mama and your criminal record can't be more than a page long... ha ha but then he continued to tell me that he was talking with a friend and his friend told him that all girls wanted was a man with job. As the date went on we had a great conversation but that comment stayed with me.

WTF have I been thinking to have my standards so low? I have allowed myself to be used and abused and then I had the nerve to complain about it. Key word there... ALLOWED. When I dated Dre my mom and I were in a huge fight and she said " Do you not remember who you are?" but it wasn't until this cute boy said his comment that I really put some thought into it. My standards for dating SUCK!

I have always been a sucker for a man with Swagger but at this point in my life I need more than swagger! Swagger doesn't pay the bills.

So I have re-evaluated my standards and am pleased to announce they are much higher than before NOT to say that I am the most amazing girl to date but I am kinda cool! HaHaHa

Keeping the faith... one day at a time.

Friday, January 27, 2012

83 Pounds Gone!

I have been doing Crossfit for 4 weeks now and was having some issue with the fact that I have only lost 2 pounds so far. Totally frustrating considering I workout so much and so hard. 2 damn pounds and I bust my backside everyday to the point where I am double over about to puke. My muscles are so sore I can hardly walk almost every day. It really does hurt so good but when the scale tells me that I'm eating bon bons every day and not working out it's  not a happy day. I'm in an abusive relationship with my scale.

So... I was thinking... I don't really know how far I have come so I decided to look at where I have been. I pulled up pictures from when I lived in New York, after I had Kaija and Makai and today. I have come a long way on the road to becoming healthy.

It started with Karate.I was taught discipline within myself and confidence to say the least. Some call it a New York attitude I call if confidence LoL I worked very hard to earn my blackbelt training 7 days a week for several hours a day. It totally consumed me and helped me lose about 20 pounds.

Then.... I got knocked up! The weight gain with Kaija wasn't bad and I actually lost it pretty easy but when I got knocked up again with Makai the weight stayed for way too long. The stress that Dre caused lead to ice cream, cheese burgers and Greek food! Now I would be lying if I said I didn't eat these things still cause I totally do but I am much smarter and eat them way less often.

The New Years Resolution was to get fit and healthy so I made some major changes to my life. I started eating healthy all the time, exercised 4 times a week and broke off my engagement with Dre which was some major baggage!

After looking for pictures of the progress I pretty much suck! I have always hated body pictures so I always hid but I was able to find a few.

I had just started training at NY Goju Karate  before I had lost any weight. I was def my biggest here!

 Down about 20 pounds here

This was about 6 months before I was knocked up with Makai.

6 months after I had decided to make the life style change. Down about 25 pounds.
October 2011 down about 30 pounds

This is the most recent body shot that I have and total from start to finish is 83 pounds gone!!!

I am hoping that in the next 3 months I will have another body shot to add to the collection that will show even more progress!

Side by side comparison...

Keeping the faith... one day at a time.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Mysterious Ways

I would be an absolute fool to argue with God on the things that happen in life but I would be lying if I said that I didn't question them. I always say that I believe in karma but then there are some things that happen in life and I can't figure out what the hell I did to deserve that karma. Needless to say God works in mysterious ways and although I really don't understand them I have to keep the faith and pray there is a happy ending out there somewhere.

Keeping the day at a time.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

When You Thought I wasn't Looking

My lover sent this to me and it was perfect timing. 

Kaija and I were driving home  the other night when a car a ahead of us flipped over and rolled through a fence and landed upside down. My first thought was to call 911, which I did and the police and medics were on their way. Within a minute they were there. Kaija's first thought was to pray. The very second she saw the car upside down I heard her in the back praying for the people in the car that they would be ok.  I was one proud mama at that moment that my baby knew to pray. 

We pray every night and before every meal and I don't think twice about it. After that night it made me realize that our babies really do watch everything we do and mimic it a lot of the time. I am far from perfect and say damn and hell around babies all too often but that night I was grateful that my baby girl was taking notes when I didn't realize it. 

I am so proud of my girl who is being raised to have faith in all things and at all times... regardless of the hardship for herself, family, friends and even strangers.

A message every adult should read because children
are watching you and doing as you do, not as you say.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hang my
first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately
wanted to paint another one.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a
stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind
to animals.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make my
favorite cake for me, and I learned that the little
things can be the special things in life.
When you thought I wasn't looking I heard you say a
prayer, and I knew that there is a GodI could always
talk to, and I learned to trust in Him.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make a
meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I
learned that we all have to help take care of each other.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you take care
of our house and everyone in it, and I learned we have
to take care of what we are given.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw how you
handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't
feel good, and I learned that I would have to be
responsible when I grow up..
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw tears come
from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things
hurt, but it's all right to cry.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you
cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.
When you thought I wasn't looking I learned most of
life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and
productive person when I grow up.
When you thought I wasn't looking I looked at you and
wanted to say, 'Thanks for all the things I saw when
         you thought I wasn't looking'

Friday, January 13, 2012

Blessing in Disguise

I've been thinking a lot lately about the choices I have made which have brought me this chapter of my life. All I can say is thank you Lord for the blessings that you give when I didn't make the connection to the blessing. The thought that sparked this epiphany is how grateful I am to NOT have to deal with Dre and all this drama anymore. I don't have to bail him out of jail, deal with addiction, pay for his meds, hide my keys, hide my check book or any of the hundreds of things that I did for him while we were together. I put myself through hell for that man and prayed every night that he would wake up and see the beauty in the life we shared with 2 beautiful kids. Needless to say he never did and that is why he rests his head on a prison pillow. Unfortunately my hopes for him to find a better way of life are gone.

The day I found out he was sentenced to prison was a huge blessing.. I just didn't realize it at the time but him being gone and not having the ability to get inside my head just may be one of the biggest blessing I will ever receive in my life. When he was sentenced I had already made the decision to kick him out but he just would'nt stay away. It was always about how he loved me and that we could work through the challenges but after almost 4 years of lies, cheating and betrayal the cold slap in the face of reality was that he was not going to change with me. I understand that he has not had the easiest life but he is a grown ass man that can make right or wrong choices.  Considering my family I do happen to have a soft spot in my heart for those who make mistakes and end up in prison/jail but the more time you spend there the harder my heart seems to become.

Dre used, abused and took advantage of me in every way possible but that was a blessing too. I endured a few long hard years but they have taught me some very hard but valuable lessons which have created the person I am today.

I am a typical Scorpio when it comes to the men in my life. I am unfailingly loyal... even when I shouldn't be. If I call you my man then I will have your back through thick and thin and I have showed that in every relationship I have ever been in but now I am simply smarter about what I will deal with and what I won't.  I have grown as a person so much throughout the relationship I had with him. It was not easy but a blessing in disguise non the less.

Today I have a man in my life that for the first time doesn't blink an eye when it comes to my needs or helping me out although being the  typical Scorpio that I am,  I rarely ask for help but the fact that I know he would do anything for me is what means the most.  His heart his kind and he shows me a love that I haven't experienced before.

Today I am very grateful for the blessing that are clear as day... and the ones that aren't.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Lovin' Me Some Crossfit!

Yes, I have jumped on the Crossfit bandwagon and Yes I love it! I feel great after I am done. It helps keep me motivated with my eating which is a huge plus! Before I eat anything I think about how many burpees I will have to do to burn off the calories. I HATE burpees.They are my kryptonite!

This is probably the perfect picture for me and crossfit!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Writer's Block

I haven't had writer's block for years and now I feel like I've had it forever! So what better way to get over it then to write about it!? I always have something to say about every topic possible but for some odd reason I am having the hardest time finding things to write about.... SO ANNOYING!

Anyhow... here are cute pictures of me and the fam!