Blessing in Disguise

I've been thinking a lot lately about the choices I have made which have brought me this chapter of my life. All I can say is thank you Lord for the blessings that you give when I didn't make the connection to the blessing. The thought that sparked this epiphany is how grateful I am to NOT have to deal with Dre and all this drama anymore. I don't have to bail him out of jail, deal with addiction, pay for his meds, hide my keys, hide my check book or any of the hundreds of things that I did for him while we were together. I put myself through hell for that man and prayed every night that he would wake up and see the beauty in the life we shared with 2 beautiful kids. Needless to say he never did and that is why he rests his head on a prison pillow. Unfortunately my hopes for him to find a better way of life are gone.

The day I found out he was sentenced to prison was a huge blessing.. I just didn't realize it at the time but him being gone and not having the ability to get inside my head just may be one of the biggest blessing I will ever receive in my life. When he was sentenced I had already made the decision to kick him out but he just would'nt stay away. It was always about how he loved me and that we could work through the challenges but after almost 4 years of lies, cheating and betrayal the cold slap in the face of reality was that he was not going to change with me. I understand that he has not had the easiest life but he is a grown ass man that can make right or wrong choices.  Considering my family I do happen to have a soft spot in my heart for those who make mistakes and end up in prison/jail but the more time you spend there the harder my heart seems to become.

Dre used, abused and took advantage of me in every way possible but that was a blessing too. I endured a few long hard years but they have taught me some very hard but valuable lessons which have created the person I am today.

I am a typical Scorpio when it comes to the men in my life. I am unfailingly loyal... even when I shouldn't be. If I call you my man then I will have your back through thick and thin and I have showed that in every relationship I have ever been in but now I am simply smarter about what I will deal with and what I won't.  I have grown as a person so much throughout the relationship I had with him. It was not easy but a blessing in disguise non the less.

Today I have a man in my life that for the first time doesn't blink an eye when it comes to my needs or helping me out although being the  typical Scorpio that I am,  I rarely ask for help but the fact that I know he would do anything for me is what means the most.  His heart his kind and he shows me a love that I haven't experienced before.

Today I am very grateful for the blessing that are clear as day... and the ones that aren't.